another new beginning

On 28th December, amid freezing fog and icy towpaths, I moved Don't Panic from Barton Marina to Fradley Junction. Not to the mooring I actually bid and paid for, but to a mooring a little way up, tying to chains rather than mooring rings. That makes it interesting in a lock flight, since the water level is constantly changing and so I could come back to find the boat hung up on the wall if I tie her too tight. But having the ropes loose means that every time I move about on the boat, she rocks and thumps against the side. It is also dark on board because the wall is quite high which makes getting off and on interesting! However I am at least here and not in the marina any more and Fradley is lovely - even in freezing fog.

I managed to speak to the senior moorings manager, who has visited the site. It was like pulling teeth, but eventually he did admit that the description of the mooring site 'contained inaccuracies'. He refused to admit that it was actually a different mooring they had been advertising, and when I pointed out that the boat on that mooring had an expired mooring permit, he said he wouldn't know anything about that! Strange, considering he is the 'senior moorings manager'. I won't bore you with our tediously drawn out conversation, but the result of it was that I will be provided with temporary free parking while I am on the chain mooring. If I don't feel safe there, I am allowed to go onto the visitors moorings opposite, on a temporary basis. Then he has agreed to look for a more suitable mooring in the New Year. I was happy with that, until he said that if they find another mooring, I will have to pay the guide price for it, rather than the amount I won the bid with, which is likely to be more money. I pointed out that it would effectively mean I would be paying for British Waterways' mistake. Still, one argument at a time. I will wait to see what, if anything, they offer me and then negotiate the price. They are amazing though. He wouldn't budge an inch to start with - even trying to make out that they couldn't give me free parking as they weren't in control of the car park. When I pointed out it was a BW car park, he said 'Oh, well I mean it's not my department'.

So I am off the umbilical cord of the Marina. It's quite scary really. If I run out of diesal, I won't have any power (because I wouldn't be able to charge the batteries) In normal weather that's not really an issue, but we have had frozen canals here recently and if I can't move her, then I would be without water as well as power. It also crossed my mind that if I slipped and injured myself - or worse - nobody would know and it could be days before anybody noticed! So I need to keep reminding myself not to panic and to remember one of my favourite sayings - 'Don't let your fear stand in the way of your dreams'.

Having calmed my fears somewhat, I commuted to work for the first time today and my car broke down!! That hadn't been a worry of mine until it happened. Fortunately I had reached Barton when it happened, but I had a horrible picture of Bonny and I having to walk the two hours home in the dark and pouring rain. But helpful people helped me at Barton and it turned out that all the water on the road had temporarily drowned my engine. At least I hope that's it - I'll find out in a couple of hours when I return home.

Despite the difficulties and anxieties, I am still sure this is the right next move for me. It is refreshing in a way to worry about such basic requirements as warmth, power and water. It puts other anxieties into perspective and in a strange way it makes me feel more alive!

So, at the dawn of another new year, I face another new start. I hope for all my readers that 2010 will be a great year of challenges overcome and hopes realised. Happy New Year!

Happy Christmas

A happy Christmas to all my readers! It's lovely to have people interested enough to read my ramblings and even get in touch with me about them. This icy picture was actually taken last year when I was trying to escape from Crick, but it could just as easily have been taken today as we are all iced in here. I'm hoping to move my boat on the 28th to my 'sort of' new mooring, so I'm rather hoping for a thaw!

Talking of mooring matters, the saga drags on. The initial person I have been talking to in British Waterways has gone off for Christmas now and so has passed me on to the 'senior moorings manager'. This is apparently the man who published the details of the mooring in the first place and is where the buck stops. Sandie told me that he was inspecting the site last Friday morning to see if my complaint has any merit. Naively, I thought he might actually be in touch with me to explain what's going on, but no. All I have received so far are 'I'm out of the office' messages. I suspect I will hear nothing now through the Christmas period. This is not helping my temper! I have bent over backwards to be reasonable, but there is nothing more annoying than being ignored! I have sent another email saying that I will wait it out until 4th January when the world goes back to work, but if I haven't heard anything by then, I shall be contacting Trading Standards and / or a solicitor. Happy days!

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and if, I like me, you are travelling anywhere, you arrive safely. Bonny and I are going to the New Forest to spend Christmas with family. I only have 3 days off, so we have to travel down on Christmas Eve and back on Boxing Day - Oh Joy!

mooring saga update

Well, I have discovered that British Waterways are not an organisation to be trusted!
After my last blog entry, they got back to me the same day to say that it was my mistake - the mooring I thought I had bid for wasn't actually in the location I thought it was! She told me where the mooring actually was and agreed to meet me there on the 8th (the day I officially start my mooring agreement) to show me.

I went there the day before for a look and wondered how on earth they thought they were going to get away with it. The mooring is totally different from the details given on the auction site. There are no mooring rings (only a rather dodgy looking chain) to tie to. There is no car access at all, let alone an access road and free car parking as advertised. Instead of being by grass at the top of a lock, it is on concrete at the bottom of another lock. The picture and map on the website don't even show this part of the site, let alone this specific mooring! I also noticed that the boat moored on the spot I did bid and pay for is showing a 3 year mooring permit that is due to expire this month!

So I met up with the mooring officer today. I let her show me the 'new' mooring and then I produced a print out of the details given in the auction, including the photo of the mooring and the map. I pointed out all the differences between the two moorings and the 'coincidence' that the permit on boat moored in the correct mooring was about to run out. I was quite proud of myself - I was calm, friendly, polite but firm - as opposed to spitting mad and emotional which I could easily have been! I suggested to her that they had advertised the mooring thinking the current boat was going to vacate and when it didn't, rather than informing me and not taking my money, they thought they would just stick me somewhere else! She wouldn't confirm this but just said that she was new to the post and that her predecessor told her that the details given were 'just a general guide' and that they were meant to refer to the second mooring. We then walked to that one and she couldn't conceal her shock at the differences. She even said that she was a boater and she wouldn't be at all happy to tie up at the chain. She conceded that this mooring was indeed very different in detail to the paperwork, as well as conceding that it was her name on the documents and not her predecessor's.

I then said that I was prepared to accept this mooring on a temporary basis on condition that she would provide in writing an acknowledgement that it was temporary and giving the approximate date that I would be able to move on to the mooring I paid for. In the meantime, since there was no parking at this mooring, I would expect a permit to park for free in the pay and display car park under their control. She said she thought that was reasonable but had to go back and talk to her manager. I said that, if this was not sorted out satisfactorily, I would have no choice but to go to Trading Standards and possibly a solicitor. I said that if BW had taken my money for something they knew wasn't available, it could constitute fraud and that the police might even be interested. I also said that I would write to the various waterway publications with the story, which wouldn't help BW's auctioning process. If people didn't trust that the mooring they were bidding for was the one they would end up with, they might well end up with a lot less customers!

I said all this with a pleasant smile on my face. I was quite pleased with myself because when in situations of potential conflict, I often get stressed and emotional and then I don't get my point across. But today I remained calm and assertive. The only mistake I made was not getting a date from her when I would hear from them. But I shall keep on top of it. I won't be moving the boat until after Christmas, so there is no pressure as yet. I also got her to agree that I could pick the spot I moored at the new site as I noticed that on one part of the chain, there were rings I think I could tie to.

The story continues...

nothing comes easily

It is a universally acknowledged fact that nothing that is worthwhile comes to us easily. If this is in fact true, then the mooring at Fradley must be really worthwhile!
I phoned British Waterways this morning to arrange to meet someone at Fradley so they could show me exactly where the mooring and facilities are. I commented that I had been down already but there seems to be boats moored all along the stretch where my mooring is to be. The woman I was speaking to said 'yes, there are'. I asked which one was moving and she replied 'it looks like none of them'! I pointed out that BW had advertised the mooring, let us bid for it and have now taken my money for it and I couldn't believe they would do that without actually having a mooring available! Her only reply was that she had only just taken over the job from someone else and she would have to talk to them about it.
I have extracted a promise from her to meet me at Fradley on the 8th - the day I start paying for the mooring. If there is no mooring on that date then surely they will have to refund my money or find me another mooring? After all I have now given notice at Barton so I can't stay there after the end of the month.
How do I feel about all this? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!
I'll keep you posted!

Fradley here I come...

Yes, I'm off to my new mooring at Fradley Junction at the end of the month / year. British Waterways sent me my mooring permit this morning. The mooring is available from the 8th but I have paid here until the end of the year so I might as well use their electricity for as long as possible! Having said that, I'm dying to start this new chapter of my life and if it wasn't for the fact that I shall be working full time for the next month, I would probably be on my way at dawn on the 8th!
Mind you, it was around this time last year that I last tried to move from one mooring to another and thanks to weather, ice and stoppages, it took me 6 weeks! But at least I'm only travelling 5 miles to my new mooring so hopefully it will be easier this time - at least I won't have to ask my friends to help me move!

waiting with baited breath...

Just a quick update on the mooring situation. I have filled out the form and sent it in and am now waiting with baited breath to hear from British Waterways that all is well.

I was going to wait till I had heard before informing the marina staff, but I needn't have worried - someone else helpfully did it for me! It's another reason I can't wait to leave the marina, it's so much like a small village - everybody wants to know your business and if you tell one person something, it's around the entire marina by nightfall! I can't blame them though - it's my fault for not keeping my mouth shut, a curse that has been with me all my life! I was so pleased to have won the auction that I went and told at least three people. So yesterday the marina staff member phoned me and said that I should have given 3 months notice! 3 months - I hardly know what I'm going to do next week, let alone in 3 months time. Still, she graciously said that they would accept one month, but then went on to ask some very pointed questions about my next mooring and why I was leaving the marina. I really hope she doesn't decide to make life difficult for me - until I definitely have the mooring, she could mess things up for me.

I have to keep reminding myself that if it is meant to be, then I will get the Fradley mooring. If something happens to stop me taking up the mooring, then I really don't think I could stay in the marina. If I have to, I'll just take off and hope I find somewhere to live and work before I starve!! Yes, my freedom is that important to me now. It has sort of crept up on me, I never used to be particularly conscious of restrictions to my freedom - it was the price I paid to be in 'mainstream' society, with a career, house, church etc. But now, the mere fact of having to unlock a gate every day to get out irks me and when I am told by the marina where I can and can't walk and what I can and can't say to my friends, then a feeling of screaming claustrophobia comes over me!

So - anxious times, but not for long as the mooring agreement is due to start on the 8th, so I should here before that.

I've got it!!!

Having sweated my way through the last few days and hours, I am delighted to report that I have secured the mooring at Fradley and only had to go £55 over my ideal annual budget to get it. It will cost me nearly £800 less than Barton (although of course I will be using much more diesal as there is no electricity at Fradley). It is also a fixed amount for 3 years and vat inclusive so I know exactly how much I need to budget for which is excellent.
But most important to me is that there will be no more fences, gates, signs or people telling me what to do, how to live and how to look after my dog!! Yes, the practicalities of life will take more working at, but I am so sure it will be worth it.
It is not a residential mooring, so from 1st January, when my mooring at Barton runs out, my address will be c/o a friend in Devon. If you want that address, let me know.
Happy Days! I'm going to be a 'proper' boater!

aaah

I spoke too soon. At lunchtime today another person entered a bid for the Fradley mooring. I have decided on a maximum I can go to and will not go over that. So I have entered another bid and am hoping and praying the other person wasn't that keen!
It's only now that I may not get the mooring, I realise how much I want it!

3 days to go!

There are only three days left on the bidding for the mooring at Fradley and so far, no one else has put a bid in, so I am still in line to get it for it's reserve price! However I have heard that, with auctions, people generally only bid near the closing time so I have to hold my breath until 1300 hours on Monday 23rd.
I have been checking out the possibility of getting a generator to help me maintain my batteries out on the canal. It would mean I would have to run my engine less often which would save me money. However the cost of a generator that has the right specs is around £300 so I may have to wait a while as the priorities money wise are paying for the mooring, getting the boat's bottom blacked and engine serviced in January and also saving for the BW licence due in the Spring. Still, it's definitely something worth keeping in mind.
I have to say that, apart from being excited about the prospect of moving, I am also quite nervous. It is so safe and secure in the marina. I don't have to worry about where the power is coming from and life has settled into a calm routine. I also don't have to commute to work! But I have changed so much in the last year that I need to be somewhere that fits with the person I am becoming, even if that means life gets a little more difficult. When I arrived, the fences, gates and busy-ness of this place didn't bother me really. But now every time I unlock a gate or trip over yet another prohibition sign or get yet another comment about dogs and leads from the marina office, my frustration levels rise and the feeling of claustrophobia gets worse.
Out on the canal, I will be responsible for all parts of my life, from the practicalities of power and disposing of poo, to how I will settle in to this new place, learning I hope from the mistakes I made when I arrived here at Barton. It will be a new challenge but I believe it is right for me at this stage of my development. If I am wrong I only have to stay for 6 months and then, as long as I give 2 months notice, I can leave the canal side mooring and perhaps scuttle back to the womb of a marina!

cancellation of website

I've just received a call from British Waterways. They have been 'tipped off' by someone that I am running a business (The Narrow Way) without obtaining a BW commercial licence. I explained that, so far, I have had no customers and so could not afford to get a commercial licence (which costs around double the standard licence) He was a nice man and said that it's a difficult thing to set up a business with all the costs involved without any income. However, he was clear that, if I am advertising The Narrow Way, then I must, not only get a commercial licence, but also have to adhere to the same rules and regulations as the 'big boys' like the hire companies. He directed me to a website with all the rules on it and having looked at it, I'm reluctantly having to withdraw the Narrow Way website and stop offering the boat for paid quiet days.
I'm not going to waste time wondering who the 'tip off' came from, although it's tempting to speculate. Suffice to say I'm fairly gutted - particularly as my friend Maggie has spent so much time assisting me in setting it up. Thanks Maggie! I'll just have to find another way to make some money I guess.

a possible possibility of real freedom

I periodically check the British Waterways web site for moorings coming up for tender (you have to bid for them). Well, I checked yesterday and much to my surprise and excitement I found there is a mooring at Fradley Junction being advertised. Fradley is at the junction of the Trent and Mersey and the Coventry canals. It is a beautiful place, well away from the A38! It has water, pump out (for the loo) and a really good pub - what more does one need in life! Well, electricity and there isn't any of that, but more important than any of the above is that there are no fences, no stupid notices and nobody to tell me what to do! It is about 5 miles from Barton and so work would be within commuting distance by bus or cycle and it's close to Lichfield for shopping. It would be a lovely place to run quiet days from because of its peace and beauty.

So, in a fit of excitement I have put a bid in - the only one so far. It would be a not so minor miracle if I got it at the price I have bid, but then if I get it, I'll know it was meant to be and if I don't - well, ditto. If I do get it, I'll have to pay the annual price up front and then, as long as I pay up each year, it will be mine for the same price for the next 3 years.

Bonny and I visited the mooring this afternoon and even in the rain, it looked wonderful! It is opposite a nature reserve with a circular walk and the towpath in both directions offer lovely walks too. There is the pub I mentioned, but also a cafe and little shop. The mooring is on the canal and not tucked away from canal life in a marina. it is within the flight of 6 locks and so there's always something to watch!

I'll have to wait to see if I get it, but not for long; the bidding closes on 23rd November and the mooring agreement would start on 8th December! I must admit that I really hope that it is meant to be!

I haven't got a picture of the mooring, but here is a picture of don't Panic moored in Fradley woods, just above the flight of locks.

friends

Yes, Bonny is spoilt!! Here she is in my bed and enjoying a walk (off lead!) around the lake. It's hard to believe that she is already 6 months old.

I've had two visits recently that reminded me how great it is to have friends. Nigel and Jacquie from Devon happened to be driving up to Derbyshire and decided to drop in for a surprise visit - lovely. They even treated me to tea and cake.

Then Lynda, a very encouraging friend who actually leaves comments on my blog! came for an overnight stay. We used to share a house whilst we were training with Church Army in Sheffield. We haven't seen each other in ages, but as soon as we met it was as if no time had passed at all. We went out on the boat for the day. It was rather drizzly weather but Lynda was so busy learning how to steer the boat, she didn't let it bother her. She was a natural boat woman and took to it like a duck to water. It was great to catch up with all three friends and it reminded me how much I enjoy teaching people the arcane art of narrowboat operation.

Good news on the work front; firstly because my work colleague is going to Australia for a month and I am going to be covering his hours, which will really help with my finances over Christmas. Also, up to now I have been employed on a 'casual, temporary basis'. But from 1st January I shall be a proper employee with things like paid holiday days! It still only means 3 days a week, but they will be more secure days.

I hope all my readers are having a good Friday 13th!

price reduction and radio interviews

I have decided to reduce the price of a day out on my boat between now and the 1st March 2010. It is usually £100 for up to 2 people. It is now £70 for a full day or £50 for half a day, so do please spread the word!
I've just got back from Derby where, apart from getting hopelessly lost and consequently very stressed, I have been interviewed by BBC Radio Derby. It is for their Sunday morning 'religion and ethics' programme. They were particularly interested in why I changed lives from Church Army evangelist to narrowboat resident. I was fairly kind about Church Army and the work it does (Neil take note!) but less kind about my perception of where the Church's current focus lies, and how it pours all it's energies into getting people in through the front door, but shows little or no interest in those disappearing out the back door! I also talked a bit about my life pre-church as well as getting an advert in for 'The Narrow Way'.
It is likely to be broadcasted on 22nd November between 6am and 9am. For those who, for whatever reason, actually want to hear it, but don't want to wake up early, it will be on the BBC i player for 7 days after the broadcast.

sore legs

Just a quick note: Bonny and I made it into work but it was a good hour of brisk walking. I didn't think that would be a problem, but oh my hips ache now! It's a lovely walk - inland so away from the A38, across fields, but it is further by quite a way than if we use the towpath, so going back tonight I think we will brave the A38 racket and go back via the towpath. I just hope 'Don't Panic' is still there, safe and sound, to meet us. It's the first time I've left her on the towpath!

living out on the cut

This week Bonny and I are having our first experience of living out on the canal. Oh, we have been out before of course, but on our other trips we have travelled every day and stopped for the evenings. This time we are moored near Alrewas, only about 45 minutes from the marina. I am moored on the towpath on a section where we can stay for up to two weeks. We will have little trips probably, but I wanted to discover how easy or difficult it is to carry on 'normal' life whilst apart from the umbilical cord of the marina.

Power is obviously the first issue. In the marina I am attached to a landline which means I have mains electricity. Here, I am wholly reliant on my batteries. I have 5 batteries plus a starter one which is a lot for a 50 foot boat. The advantage is that I have power for longer, the downside is that it takes longer to charge them back up. On a journey that's not an issue as they charge while I'm travelling, but here I need to remember to run the engine once or perhaps twice a day. I filled up with water before leaving the marina so that should last me a week and anyway, there is a water point in Alrewas. I shopped as well and so food won't be an issue.

Obviously I still have to work, so tomorrow Bonny and I are going to commute for the first time. I think it will take us just under an hour to walk it - we will see. We will need to return at the end of the week as next week we will need the car. Bonny has a vet's appointment and I have been asked to go in to Radio Derby to give an interview about my change in life!

But at present, life is all about living free. Bonny has the run of the towpath. She knows not to go out of sight of the boat and is becoming relaxed about the lack of restrictions; today for the first time she chose to come back on board for a nap, rather than me having to lock her in to force her to rest. I love it here. I am answerable to nobody and the full responsibility for living, keeping warm and safe is mine alone. There are no fences, no rules (except for the time I can remain here) and no visible road, although the A38 is still rumbling along in the background.

Here are some pictures taken near our mooring (if you look very closely you can just see Bonny running along the towpath):

wonderful wigwams

Bonny and I have just returned from 3 days in the wilds of Worcestershire. We met up with some Church Army friends to practice 'mindfullness', talk together about our spiritual journeys and drink wine. We stayed in 'wigwams' (actually small chalet type huts) on farmland and Bonny had utter freedom for the first time in her young life! She made friends with a 12 year old sheepdog, Jed, and followed him around slavishly. He tolerated her and when she got a bit too excited, he taught her some manners in a more effective way than I ever could.
The weather was glorious and we spent a lot of time outside - even having a bonfire one evening which Bonny was fascinated by.
I love belonging to this group. Although we all have Church Army in common, our paths have diverged and so now, although some are still working as Church Army evangelists, others have been ordained as priests, some have not been able to secure posts and have had to return to secular jobs and one is going through the process of retirement (and then there is me!). Our spiritual lives are equally rich in variety, and yet we have developed the ability to listen to each other without judging, without trying to convert the other to our way of thinking, but still with much empathy. We can also argue passionately for something one day and then change our minds the very next day without censure. I also laugh more when I am with these people than anywhere else. We also spend some time in silence - being mindful of the present moment - the current breath in our bodies, and allowing our minds to quieten. The experience of being silent in a group feels deeper and more rich to me than being silent alone.
All in all it was a precious time, the first time I have been off the boat since February! I am now back in the marina and back in work and Bonny is back on the lead, but the experience will stay with and shape both of us for some time to come.

freedom, responsibility and ownership

Bonny is growing - 5 months old now - here is the latest pic.

There's been some trouble in paradise and it has made me think again about how much we can exercise freedom without impinging on other people and whether owning property is indeed theft!

Bonny and I enjoy a walk every morning around two lakes which are part of this site which includes the marina and shops. The whole site is owned by one business man. Up until last week we could walk around both lakes using a circular path. We would meet lots of other dog walkers, most of whom let their dogs run off the lead. Bonny has been excellently socialised through these walks and I have made some friends. Cyclists and joggers also used the well maintained paths.

Recently, the owner decided to stock the lakes with trout and sell permits to fishermen. As soon as this took off, signs started to spring up around the site. First there were warning signs advising walkers to look out for back casts. Then, one day a fence appeared, stopping anyone using the circular walk. You could walk all the way round but then you had to turn back and retrace your steps. Then the next day more signs - 'Anglers only beyond this point', banning the rest of us from most of one lake, and finally 'all dogs must be kept on leads at all times' everywhere around both lakes. All of these innovations happened within one week. (oh and an additional fence stopping us walking through the woods to the lock, towpath and local pub!)

Needless to say the dog walkers, cyclists and joggers are most peeved. We all have a good whinge when meeting each other and most of the dog walkers are ignoring the instructions. I decided to obey the 'Anglers only past this point' sign but not 'the leads on at all times' one. Bonny is really good now at coming when she is called and has to spend the rest of the day on a lead when outside, so this was her only 'free time'.

I also had a conversation with the two bailiffs who have suddenly appeared, wearing day glow jackets and camouflage trousers. Both men live on the same pier as me and I would call them friends. They said that the owner could do whatever he wanted and that he was only protecting the fishermen from being bothered by dogs - after all the fishermen pay, the rest of the community don't. I pointed out that not everything should come down to money and that the owner has managed to spoil the enjoyment of hundreds of people, not to mention upsetting most of the village at the very time he is applying for planning permission. We had a lively discussion and parted agreeing to disagree. I thought that was that. But the next day I was summoned to the Marina office to be given a dressing down by the person who works there. I was told that a dog walker (or two) had been into the office to report I had been moaning about the new regime, and the marina staff member told me I was to stop talking in this way to villagers and to direct any complaints to management! I enquired whether freedom of speech has also been banned and pointed out that I was having a conversation with friends which was very different from wanting to make any formal complaint! I also said that I suspected it wasn't a dog walker who had dobbed me in, but one of the bailiffs, after our conversation (denied). I was reminded that, according to my mooring agreement, if I caused any trouble, they could require me to leave.

I was really upset. I felt as if all my freedom had been removed at one fell swoop. I also couldn't help looking at the other dog walkers and my bailiff friends with suspicion, wondering who it was that reported me. This is my home and yet I cannot walk or even talk in peace and freedom. The facts of course are clear. The owner of the site can do whatever he wants to do and can impose any rules as this is private property. He even owns the water under my boat and can chuck me out whenever he feels like it.

I suddenly felt really claustrophobic. My mooring spot is directly outside both the marina office and my workplace and the bailiffs walk past my boat every day. I am surrounded by fences and feel like I am being watched. So I have moved. I can't move out of the marina as there are no other live aboard moorings within striking distance of work. But I have moved piers to the most remote spot of the marina and it is lovely. Most of the boats on this pier are not lived on and so there aren't many people about. I am surrounded by grass rather than fences and car parks and although I am closer to the A38, it is actually less noisy here. Bonny loves it - especially as we seem to be living in Watership Down rabbit country!

But have I wimped out? I feel I have run away from the fight rather than standing my ground. But then was I right to fight in the first place or am I becoming an anarchist; rejecting all rules imposed from 'above'? I still refuse to keep Bonny on a lead all the time- but only let her off on our early morning walls when no fishermen or bailiffs are around. It doesn't feel right to me that one man can declare a whole area his and then directly affect the lives of many people he hasn't even met! And all in the name of profit. Then again, if he hadn't developed this old gravel pit into the marina it is today, I wouldn't have a home here.

Here is the lake - before the trouble...

a little enlightenment

I took Bonny and the boat to Branston Water Park last week for an overnight escape from the marina. We had two beautiful autumn days - sunny and warm during the day and cooler at night. The water park itself is a large lake with walks around it and many different water birds to watch.

We had spent a peaceful night on board (you can hardly hear the A38 from there!) and after breakfast we went for a walk around the lake. Bonny was being perfectly behaved, the sun was shining and all was well with the world. Then I caught myself thinking 'it will be good to get back to the boat and have a sit down in the sun.' A perfectly innocent little thought, you might say, but a little light flashed on from wherever wisdom originates and I had a small epiphany.

I realised that I am always looking for something better. The present is never good enough, I'm always looking to improve on it. Instead of entering fully into that present moment of the walk, I was thinking about what comes next. I realised that I am always saying to myself 'once I have this or once I become that, then I'll be content'. Then when I get this or become that, I think 'well, that's good...but it's not perfect...but once I get this or become that, then I'll be content - then I'll really be able to live.' It occured to me on that walk that I will still be thinking this on my death bed. In the meantime, I will have missed out on so many small pleasures at my feet because my gaze is fixed further down the road. So I have resolved to practice short sightedness!

When I returned I went to the talk by Tom Hodgkinson that I mentioned a blog or two ago. He was excellent and what he said helped me fix my resolve both to practice contentment and to take time to stand and stare. I had a chat with him afterwards and the upshot of that is that he has asked me to write a piece (3000 words!) about my life change from land to boat and from career girl to practising idler! If it's good enough he will publish it in The Idler Magazine. If not then hopefully I will get some feedback about my writing style.

The most recent blessing I am counting is a phone call from Lloyds. I'm still not sure whether to believe it, but the lady who called was really nice and understanding. At the end of repeating my situation (again!) she said the bank would stop charging interest and charges for a few months - in effect freezing my loan - to see if I can get more work and start paying them again. In the meantime I can give them whatever I can manage, whenever I can manage it, but they won't hold me to a regular payment at this time. It will ruin my credit rating for 6 years, but since I have no intention of ever getting into debt again, I'm not worried. I will wait with interest to see if she was telling the truth... No I won't, I'll enjoy the present moment of reprieve!!

mindfulness

Next month I shall join some Church Army colleagues for a 3 day get together. It will be the first contact I have had with the Church since I left at the end of last year. We are a small group of like minded individuals who are travelling a similar spiritual path. We meet twice a year and spend time in silence together, share insights from our journeys and down the odd bottle of wine together. For the last few meetings, we have gathered in a field near Worcester and slept in wigwams!

We will have an extra member this time in the form of Bonny. I'm not sure she will cope with the times of silence, but then again, I don't know how well I shall cope either! It's not so much the silence, but the liturgy we use to lead into the silence. Although I am feeling more positive now about matters of faith, I still have big issues with the Church and react strongly against any sense of it telling me how to connect with God, or what is an acceptable belief and what is not. For me, the Church has lost so much credibility and integrity in recent years that I'm no longer sure it has the moral / spiritual authority to speak at all.
However I respect my colleagues and the way they choose to express their faith and so I shall enter into it as much as I am able. I am really looking forward to being with them and hearing how each person is travelling, especially as I missed our last gathering. There is also something about being silent in company that touches me at a deep level. We are not merely silent, the aim is to be mindful - mindful of our deepest selves, mindful of each breath we take, and as we stop and just 'be', I find my soul and deeper emotions opening up and invariably I come away with some new insight. I generally spend a fair proportion of the time giggling helplessly as well!

I didn't think I was missing anything about being in ministry, but last night I watched the BBC2 programme about a choir master who helped draw a whole community together through music and in doing so, significantly changed some of the people's lives. I found myself crying by the end of the programme and as I reflected on why, I realised I was seeing how my ministry could have been if I had not been so confused by 'right beliefs' v helping people live full lives and connect with the Spirit of God in whichever way is right for them. I guess I miss having a significant effect on other people's lives, or maybe I just miss being significant! I hope to explore this area further at the wigwams.

Bonny the Boat Dog!

Sorry about the longish silence; I've had a bit of a virus problem with my computer, but I'm well on the way to sorting it out.

Last week Bonny and I went out for a whole 4 days on the boat (thanks to my kind work mate swapping days off). Bonny wore her new life jacket, much to the amusement of passing boaters and their pets, but it made me less anxious and having the handle on top meant I could easily lift her on and off the boat and also carry her, rather like a briefcase, across the locks!

She took to the whole experience like a duck to water, if you know what I mean! She rode on the roof and patrolled up and down it's length, only coming back to me if startled. I had been told that some dogs get frightened if left on the boat in locks, but not Bonny. She was fantastic! We did the Fradley flight on the first day and moored for the night in Fradley Woods. Bonny loved having the freedom of the tow path after having to be constantly on a lead in the marina.

I was worried that if I let her get off and on the boat at will, she will do the same in the marina when we returned, which would be a no no. I got over the problem by using the gang plank. She quickly learnt that if the gang plank was there, she could get off and on. If it wasn't, she had to wait for me to lift her off - Perfect!

We went on to Handsacre the second night and tied up by Bridge 56 which is a lovely secluded mooring, with room for only one boat. The only downside was there was a little road nearby and quite a few walkers and their dogs - great for my friendly pup, but it meant Ihad to keep a close eye all the time. So we returned to Fradley Woods for our last night. I have found a great little mooring in the woods which isn't near anybody else so Bonny can run free. While she explored, I did some polishing and now 'Don't Panic' gleams!

As I've said before, I love being out on the canal and my heart sinks when I return to the Marina. However, I am very fortunate to be able to do this at all, pre-retirement, and have decided to make the most of it by not resenting the time in the marina, but rather appreciating the electricity on tap and the facilities on my doorstep. But to prevent Marina fever setting in, I shall take the boat out and moor overnight on the cut all lot more often. In fact, once Bonny is introduced to my cycle, there is nothing to stop us mooring for a week on the cut and cycling in to work. Branston Water Park is just up the canal and would be a lovely place to walk Bonny.

On the downside of life, Lloyds are getting nasty over my loan and are sending threatening letters and making odd phone calls, using people whose accents are so extreme that I struggle to understand them - not being from India myself. This is despite the fact that I have kept them informed every step of the way and have done everything they have told me to do so far! The Debt Counselling Service, that they insisted I spoke to, were brilliant and have helped me sort out a budget and have told me what banks are allowed to do, what they are not allowed to do and what they will try to get away with! Lloyds are following the script of 'what they will try to get away with' almost to the letter. The most important advice I received was 'don't let them bully you into agreeing to pay them more than you can afford'. Lloyds have alreaady tried to do just that and that's only their opening salvo. They are now apparantly passing my case on to their debt recovery unit, but as long as I follow the instructions given by the DCS, I should be OK.

I think I've mentioned Tom Hodgkinson before - a brilliant author who wrote 'How to be Free', my current manual for life! Well, he is coming to the Marina at the end of the month to do a talk on how Dr Johnson influenced his life and I will be able to listen to him live! What are the chances of that - a fairly obscure author, living in Devon, who has helped me significantly, coming to the very marina I am living at in the West Midlands! I take it as a sign that I am still on the right track. I highly recommend this book and indeed 'How to be Idle' and for parents 'Idle Parenting' if you want to release some pressures from your life.

response to fear

I love writing my blog but sometimes I wonder if I'm just talking to myself, so it was lovely to receive an email from my friend Kristina Petersen, commenting on my blog about fear. I so appreciated what she said that I got her permission to repeat some of her email here:

I think you are so right with what you're saying about life slowing down for you and about freedom from various things (including savings but also the need to consume). I think a lot of people would nod their head in agreement but carry on with their busy life, while you have actually had the courage to do something about it and lead a different sort of life. I also agree that a life without fear seems attractive but I wonder whether it’s not actually a life without worry that we could be aiming for. When you stand on a rail track and a train is approaching fast and you don’t have time to think about it, it’s fear that gives you the adrenaline to jump to the side. Worry is useful only if it propels us into action – if it doesn’t, maybe because we can’t do anything or we worry about something that isn’t actually a problem, it just makes us miserable. By the way, my cat, which has a happy life, still feels fear, so I wonder whether it’s innate. The cat is afraid of moving wheels (a good things, gets him to avoid moving cars) and loud noises, like the Hoover (not so useful). He doesn’t worry, though – animals don’t because they live in the present. Which ties in nicely with your point about slowing down as that helps you to live in the present and enjoy each moment. You’re definitely on the right track.

I agree with Kristina that perhaps I should have been talking about worry rather than fear. Thanks Kristina!
Oh, and thanks to you too Lynda, it's good of you to leave encouraging comments!
My next blog will be about the welcome visit of my family to the boat, but I have a virus problem on my computer at present which means I can't post the photos!

Visit from my brother

My brother Peter came all the way from Australia to see my boat! Well alright, he had other things to do as well, but we went out on the boat together yesterday and he loved it! He also kept an eye on Bonny as she had her first experience of riding on the roof without her crate! You will have to wait for photos of that, as my brother took some great ones and will hopefully pass some on to me.

He was so enthusiastic about the boat and Bonny and it made me feel really good. I have made all my recent decisions without many expressions of approval from others and mostly I can cope OK with that, but to have my big brother say that my decisions make sense and are right means a lot. Here is a picture of us together...

Bonny coped brilliantly as a boat dog. She would occasionally peer over the side of the boat which stopped my heart on a couple of occasions. She also got a fright when we passed a herd of cows, but when she felt insecure she just ran either to Pete at one end of the boat or me at the other. She fell in love with Pete at first sight and as long as she was sitting near him, she coped with all the new sights, sounds and smells just fine. I was so proud of her!

Pictures of life on 'The Cut'

Since there were no pictures in my last entry, I thought I'd make up for it in this one. The first is me with the boat at Alrewas - a lovely little village near here. The second is a picture of Don't Panic moored at Great Hayward -a lovely peaceful place on the edge of Cannock Chase.

The third is a picture of the bridge at Great Hayward - a much photographed scene!

The last is of some visitors I had earlier this year.

If anyone wants a set of cards made with photos I have taken over the last 8 months do let me know. They are blank inside and I can do sets of 5 or 10 for a very reasonable price!

narrowboating as a lifestyle

I first considered living on a boat for purely practical purposes. I couldn't afford even a deposit on a home of my own and I really didn't fancy renting a flat somewhere, finding a job and then giving my landlord most of my wages. Getting a loan for the boat was so much easier than trying to get a mortgage (and a lot less money involved) and so it seemed a good way to put a roof over my head. Had I not been a sailor in my youth, I doubt I would have thought of this possibility, but almost all my holidays growing up were on boats of various shapes and I loved life on the water. Well, I loved most of it; having up to 6 brothers and sisters, all crammed together for a couple of weeks with no escape does hold its challenges! I remember when one of us misbehaved, Dad used to put us in the dinghy and tow us behind the boat on our own!

So the seeds were there, but I didn't realise when I set out on this adventure that living on a narrowboat is so much more than a shelter from the storm. It is like stepping into a whole different universe; one that reminds me what it must have been like in a past, more civilised age.

The pace of life is the first major difference. Somehow, the fact of only travelling at 4mph affects life even when I'm not out on the canal. It's strange, but when I travel at a slower pace, I seem to have more time. On the cut, people are passing slowly and so have time to call out a greeting or pass on some news. If someone gets into a bit of trouble, others seem much happier to stop and lend a hand, or at least they don't seem to get impatient if they have to wait while you sort yourself out. After all, if it takes an hour to travel under 4 miles, how is another few minutes going to matter? I wonder if it was like this before the advent of the metal isolation box or speedy killing machine otherwise known as the car?

Off the canal, I am not trying to fit 25 hours worth of things into 24 hours. This is partly because I am working less hours, but also because I am not buying stuff like I used to, and if I'm not filling time buying and using things, there is time instead to cloud gaze or read or write a blog or learn a new craft. I am finally working out that life is more than work and more than consuming or being consumed by our consumer culture.

The second value I am discovering is that of generosity. I had not realised that I had become quite miserly and a bit of a horder once the money started to run out. But now I am surrounded by people who also don't have very much, but what they do have, they share. A couple of examples: I am struggling with a hot water problem and so far two different boaters have given up significant amounts of time helping me sort the problem out whilst asking for nothing in return. When I got Bonny, I mentioned that I would need anyone's spare newspaper - for obvious toilet reasons - and so far I haven't had to get one paper myself as people are visiting my boat on a daily basis to drop off their Mirrors, Mails and Telegraphs. Another couple dropped off a lovely pair of dog bowls - sadly not needed by them any more - because they thought Bonny would like them. In return I gave them a hand painted tea pot I no longer use.
I started making cards with the idea of making some money, but I am finding it much more satisfying to give them away or send them to friends and relatives. The general idea here seems to be that if you've got something you don't need, don't throw it away or sell it, but give it away to your neighbours and they will do the same. If you have a skill to offer, then offer it and others will offer their talents to you. I believe that given enough like minded people, it would be possible to live on a barter system and do away with money almost entirely!

The last value I'll write about today (or this entry will become impossibly long) is what I will call a closer connection with life. By life I mean nature, the weather, the seasons and all that is natural - even my own rhythms of being. When it's windy I feel it through the souls of my feet as the boat rocks gently. I go to sleep when I'm tired and wake when I'm ready to, rather than to the shriek of the alarm clock and find this way that I need less sleep, not more (mind you, these days it's more about Bonny's rhythm than mine!). I have different birds visiting my boat at different but set times of day and recently my boat has served as a launching pad for baby swallows learning to fly. I love this connection and realisation of my dependance on the natural world. I even celebrate rain as the canals wouldn't exist without it; just as well during this summer!

I know all these things are there for people who don't live on boats, but for me, I had to be here, living in this way, to recognise and appreciate it.

Bonny the boat dog!

Bonny had her first trip out on the boat today. It wasn't a long trip - we pumped out at the dock and then went as far as the winding hole at Wychnor. She rode in her crate on the roof. She was very alert and interested in everything around her, but no sign of distress at all. We were out for just over an hour and she only whined a little bit when we re-entered the marina. I am so pleased with her! As soon as I receive her doggy life jacket, we will be out again and I'll see how she copes riding on the roof without her crate! It was so nice to be out - even for a short time. As soon as holidays are over and there is room to breathe on the canal, I will go out for a few days. I've already checked with my very helpful and kind workmate and he is happy to swap the odd day off to allow me 4 days in a row. Of course I wish he wanted two days off together all the time and then I could have my 3 working days together - at present I work each the weekend and on Wednesdays, which means I only have 2 days off in a row. That means I can only really go as far as Fradley or Willington on the boat. But I'm not complaining - I am very well aware how fortunate I am to be able to be on this boat and take her out whenever I feel like it!

I haven't had any bookings for my venture yet, which is a shame, both financially but also because I just love showing people how wonderful it is on the canals! However, it has given me time to familiarise Bonny with the boat (not to mention making great strides in house training - 6 dry nights in a row!) I am also pretty busy sorting out my finances, trying to sell my car and trying to ensure that I don't stuff every day full of things to do. So I'm happy to have bookings and content at present not to have any. Thanks to my very good friends Maggie and David, I have some rather smart brochures which I am circulating around - if anybody reading this wants one, or a lot, let me know. Some people have said it is difficult to leave a message; if clicking on the comment tab after each entry doesn't work, then feel free to email me at dontpanic1@live.co.uk

Marina Fever

Why is it that when you think things are perfect, the perfection only lasts a very short time and then you are wanting something else? Or perhaps I should say I rather than you - is it just me? I have my wonderful life afloat, I have Bonny and I'm well on my way to managing to live within my means, but now I yearn to be out on the canal!
I have not been out for nearly a month - the longest since I got the boat. August isn't a particularly good month for cruising anyway as the world and his wife are out there at present which makes finding moorings, queuing for locks and avoiding wildly controlled hire boats that much more challenging.
But life has a whole different flavour when I'm out on the cut. I feel free, relaxed and fulfilled. I also can't wait to introduce Bonny to the pleasures of the canal, although I need to address some safety issues first.
I would like to become the sort of person who is content with what they have, where they are and who they are, but, so far in my life, I have always been driven to look for more, have more, be more. If anybody out there knows the secret of being content, then do share it with us all!

A Bonny Life

Bonny update:

It is now the 6th day of life with Bonny and as Michael Buble is currently singing: 'I'm feeling good'! She recovered very quickly from her bad tummy and is now eating and drinking (and pooing) fine!

She is a complete joy. She is so bright and completely unafraid of anything. She has so far met swans, Boxer dogs and people and hasn't turned a hair. I have started the engine briefly on the boat as I thought the noise and vibration might be a bit of a fright for her - no, she cocked her head for a bit and then carried on playing. She came to work with me on the weekend and I was rather worried, especially for the Sunday when the boss was in, but I needn't have fretted. She bounced about the shop while there was no one around and when I needed to shut her in her crate, she promptly fell asleep. She has charmed my co-worker - so much so, that he looked after her yesterday when I needed to go out! The shop is quickly becoming a second home to her. Last night we managed our first uninterrupted night's sleep - thank goodness! House training, or should I say boat training is going to take a while, but she is already confining herself to two patches of newspaper at either end of the boat.

Fearlessness:

It made me think again about fear; is it natural and inborn or is it learnt? My other two dogs were both rescue adults and had already a whole set of fears each. But Bonny has been loved and safe from birth. Since nothing has yet hurt her, she doesn't seem to feel fear. Will she continue to be unafraid? What if then something happens to her (like falling in the cut!) will she then be fearful of other things? Once a creature has known fear, can it go back to being unafraid?

And what about us human beings? Can we choose to put aside old fears and decide to live unafraid lives? People will say that a certain amount of fear is good; it helps in our survival, but I wonder? I don't have to be afraid of standing on a railway line as a train approaches to know it's dangerous. Now I am an adult I know what will hurt me and what won't, so is it possible to live without fear?

Think of the freedom we would enjoy if it were so. No fears for the future, no fear of death, no fear of rejection, of strangers, of crime or of illness. Yes, we will suffer some or all of these things but the suffering will be limited to the time of it's arrival; we would no longer be suffering in advance of any struggle. After all, most of us waste vast amounts of useless emotion on 'what if's'; on fear of things that don't actually come to pass.

Another question - if we lost all fear, would that turn us into 'bad' people? 'Fear of The Lord', the Bible says 'is the beginning of wisdom'. If we no longer feared God or feared punishment for our sins, would we then sin more? I'm not so sure. After all, we may be afraid of punishment as we are now, but it still doesn't stop us doing things wrong, so not having fear probably wouldn't make that much difference to our level of 'badness'. Of course what we wouldn't any longer be able to do is frighten people into faith. No more - believe what I believe or be damned / rejected by God / cast out of our community etc etc. No more 'turn or burn'!

So what would we look like without fear? How would we live differently, believe differently? What would happen to our society if we could look strangers in the eye and be unafraid. How would the government govern without being able to use fear to manipulate us. What sort of people of faith would we be if we followed our God out of love and a lust for life, rather than fear of the alternative? Would we treat our planet and the poorest on it any better if we did not fear that someone else might be getting a bigger slice of the cake than we have? What would happen if instead of living safely by avoiding what frightens us, we threw ourselves into life, sucking the marrow out of it and valuing it as the miraculous gift it is?

One downside I can immediately think of - those two fear masters, Health and Safety, might be out of a job!

the first 24 hours

Well, I've had Bonny for just over 24 hours now and it's been fairly traumatic! She was a little bundle of energy yesterday and I probably let her do too much. Also, every time I took her out to do a wee, she managed to find and eat rabbit poo. Then last night, she had to spend her first night without her mum and siblings and she was a very sad little pup. All of which probably explains why she has been going from both ends since 5am! She won't eat or drink - although I have managed to get a little water into her - dehydration in puppies can be very serious. She is sleeping now and the breeder (who I rang early this morning) said to try her with an ice cube when she wakes up as she might lick that.
I have had about 3 hours sleep and tomorrow I have to take her into work with me!
She really didn't sleep much at all yesterday, so I'm hoping if she sleeps a lot today, it might help.
I just hope she feels better very soon. How on earth to mothers cope with human babies? It must be terrifying - especially with the first!
I'm sorry, I started this blog to write about living on a narrowboat and all I can write about at the moment is puppies!

Puppies and Penury

This is Bonny... all together now, "aaah, isn't she sweet!" I am due to become her mother on Thursday. I am full of excitement, but also nerves - what if she falls in the water? What if I can't train her? What if she is impossible at work? But then, as I have written elsewhere, 'what if's' are no reason not to do something!

The last of my savings are going to pay for her (and for vet's insurance!). Once that cheque is cashed, then I shall be writing to my bank to 're-negotiate' my loan payments. The CAB have been really helpful in showing me how to write to the bank in such a way that they will have no choice but to reduce my boat loan payments by a whacking amount. Yes, it means I'll be in hock to the powers that be forever, but it also means that I will be able to (just) live within my means, while only working 3 days a week!

I refuse to feel even an iota of guilt over shrinking my loan payments to the bank. All banks are evil! Up to the end of the Middle Ages, usurers (people who take interest on money loaned) were regarded as sinners who were destined for hell. Merchants on their death bed would regularly pay back all the interest they had taken in a lifetime, to save their souls. But the Church's attitude changed through the centuries until it seems to have become regarded as a sign of God's favour to be rich and somehow the sin of usury disappeared from the Christian conscience - probably replaced by an increased interest in sex! (Or should I say sexual sins?)

These days the banks charge obscene interest for money borrowed and then whack massive charges on top if you dare to risk missing a payment. They have brought the world's economies to their knees in one year and yet, just the other night, two banks posted massive half yearly profits - profits obtained from the pain of those poorer than them. Bank bonuses are still being paid out in their millions to people who have gambled the savings and pensions of ordinary folk.

So if you are in debt, don't lose sleep over it. The banks certainly won't. In fact they love us being in debt because then they can really make money from us. I have known people driven into depression or worse because of debt. But debt doesn't really exist. It is just a number on a computer screen. The same as my savings were when they disappeared from Kaupthing Edge (see previous post). They are not worth losing our happiness for. They are not worth anything in fact! I will endevour to eventually pay back what I owe, because that is what my own conscience tells me is right. But I refuse to let the bank bully me over it. I refuse to let it darken my life and I will make sure I have enough to live on before paying money to an organisation that is destined for hell!

Meanwhile the next 'freedom' that I will experience, will be the 'freedom' of having no savings. I suspect I shall learn some hard lessons, but worthwhile ones. "Blessed are the poor" said Jesus. Maybe he had a point.

quote of the day

This is a picture of a neighbour of mine. He is a begger and will lean in my window for food. He is pretty obsessive about it, even though several other boats also feed him. I thought he would be a fitting subject to sit alongside a quote I have just taken to heart. It is from Richard Byrd (no pun intended) a polar explorer:

"No man can be completely free who lingers within the reach of familiar habits and urgencies".

freedom seeker?

No photo of Bonny yet - I couldn't get her to stay still long enough to take one! Maybe on my next visit.
Somebody has asked what I meant when I said I was a freedom seeker (in my profile) and since it is a very good question, I shall try to explain myself.
I have been reading an excellent book by Tom Hodgkinson called 'How to be Free' and he asserts that we are all free already, the only reason we do not exercise our freedom is because of our 'mind forg'd manacles'. In other words, we are free to do and be whatever we choose and the only things that stop us are the voices inside our own heads.
So I had a listen to some of my voices. Some are disguised to sound like my parents, some sound like the government and some like the Church. An example from the recent past: 'You can't throw in your job and go live on a boat - it's not the adult thing to do, it's not as if you are 20 anymore and how will you afford it? You can't expect anybody to bail you out if you get into trouble. It's not safe on your own, what if you fall in, get attacked, sink. How selfish of you to follow your own desires - it shouldn't be about what you want.' (I'm sure you can work out for yourselves which voice is which, although of course, they were all my voices!)
What all these statements have in common is that they have fear at their core; fear of how I will look to other people, fear for my own safety, fear of being seen to be selfish or foolhardy, and fear of being monetarily poor.
But I then had a choice - do I let my fear stand in the way of my dreams (to quote an advert)? Do I let fear be my 'mind forg'd manacle', imprisoning me in a life that was slowly strangling me to death? Or do I acknowledge the fear, but do it anyway? On this occasion, I followed the scent of freedom, yes in fear and trembling, but I took the leap into the unknown.
Now before you label me either a hero or a boastful fool, I have recognised since then, that this move was only the first of many manacles to be cast off in my quest to be free. I still feel trapped by many things - by debt, by what people think of me, by expectations I lay on myself, and of course by the whole weight of should's and ought's that I took with me from the Church. But I now recognise that these things that make us feel trapped are phantoms - only real in our own minds, and so can be overcome. And that is how I am seeking to be free; I am confronting, one by one, my inner voices as well as, when necessary the outer forces that seek to enslave me (like the bank at present - usurers all - they are hell bound!)
I share this (if anybody actually reads my blog!) because I suspect I am not the only one who has felt trapped or powerless or fearful. If anybody wants to leave a comment about the above, or about their own experience / wisdom, then feel free. You just click on the 'comment' green button.

Leading or Coincidence?

Having just decided on the breed of dog I wanted, I happened to bump into a friend from another boat who has a Boxer dog. He walks around the lake every morning and has got to know other dog walkers. When I mentioned I had decided on a Cairn Terrier, he said he knew someone who walks around the lake who knows a breeder of Cairns. He said that she walks her Border Terrier each morning and that I should recognise her because her terrier swims round the lake on the end of her lead! I thanked him and decided to have a stroll. Since it was 3pm I didn't expect any dog walkers around as they all tend to walk early mornings or evenings.


But yes, just as I rounded the end of the lake, there was a little terrier swimming towards me, on her lead. I spoke to the lady and yes, she was Jane and yes, she knew a woman who breeds Cairns just up the road. She also knew that she currently has a litter ready to go but was pretty sure they were all reserved for buyers. She helped me memorize the breeder's phone number and I raced back to the boat before I forgot it. I got hold of the breeder and yes, she had a litter and although they were all reserved, a buyer had just dropped out, leaving one female pup available!


Two nights later I visited the breeder who turned out to be a lovely lady who also rescues both Cairn Terriers and Tortoises! I then met the canine family - Dad, Mum, Grandma and six lively ten week old puppies. They were all gorgeous! All the puppies were healthy and happy and both their parents were lovely. The puppy's forebears were long lived (Great Grandma lived till 18!) and several have been champions. The bitch available is a brindle colour with a little black face. Not surprisingly it was love at first sight! So I'm going to have her. She still needs one more injection and because I haven't anywhere private to exercise her, we have decided that she will stay with the breeder for another 2 weeks, so any danger of catching something nasty from strange dogs will be well past. Meanwhile I can visit her to get to know her and the breeder has offered to bring her to the boat so we can see how she reacts and also to give any advice I need. She has also said that if I need any advice she will be happy to help any time. So, it couldn't have worked out better. Yes, she is expensive to purchase, but I am going to sell my car so I'll have the money and anyway, for me, having a healthy, happy pup to love is priceless!


The way things worked out made me think about coincidence /fate /God. A lot of Christians believe that God is concerned and active in our every day lives, even to the extent of arranging for me to find a puppy. I've met some who even believe that if they pray, God will find them a parking space! Others believe that if something is meant to be, it will happen; either because I was moving in the right direction to merge with the flow of the universe and so it was all going to work out, or that it was fated. Others believe in coincidences; that each event just happened to dovetail with the next, but it could just as easily not have worked out.


I am not convinced that God intervenes when I need a parking space or even when I need a puppy. In fact, I wonder now how much God intervenes with the natural order of things at all? I wonder if it is not more that when we are moving in the flow of the Spirit of God, then things will work out as they should, but when we have stepped out of that flow, or are actively fighting against it, then things go awry? Either way, I am very grateful for the opportunity to care for a living creature again and to love. When I visit the pup, who I am almost sure I am going to call Bonny or Bonny Lass again, I will get a photo to share on this blog.

Brandy

The idea of getting a new dog has made me feel a bit guilty - as if I am forgetting my last beautiful boy. So I thought I'd post a picture of him...

decisions

I am trying to strike a balance between living sensibly and living well. Obviously I don't have money to waste on anything non essential and I have to see where I can make cutbacks. So in that light, I have decided to sell my car. It sits in the carpark for six days out of seven and I just can't justify the expense. However, I have not been without a car for the last 30 years! I find it gives a great sense of both security and independence to know that I can just get in and go wherever I want.

Sensibly...

I used to love driving, just for driving's sake, but now that enjoyment is gone. The roads are so crowded and everybody else seem to be in such a hurry and so angry! And it is infectious. If someone makes a minor error in driving near me, I find myself raging at them, and yet in any other sphere of life, I would just let it go. I suspect most drivers aren't so much angry as terrified! How did we all get to live such hurried and fearful lives? Why is getting somewhere quickly more important than being courteous and forgiving or even safe? This has helped me in my decision to sell the car. I don't like the person I become behind the wheel but I do like the person I am when I have a tiller in my hand! I also like the people I meet on the towpath and on the canal much more than those on our highways. People smile and wave. They have time to say 'good morning' and if I make a mistake, other boaters just smile or comment that they also have made mistakes and not to worry about it. There is a courtesy and friendliness on the cut (canal) that I thought was only confined these days to tiny rural hamlets.

Having made the decision, I went straight out and bought a folding bike. I need something to go to the shops with and to carry my shopping home, but also I had forgotten what fun cycling can be. It also feels like it fits this new life; connected to the environment in a way that driving in a metal box can never be. I don't have to worry about parking or getting petrol and the running costs are almost nothing.

Well...

My second decision is to do with the living well rather than economically; in fact sensible people will almost certainly scold me for it. It is 7 months since my beloved labrador died and there is a hole in my heart. I feel I've got all this love to give and nobody to lavish it on, so I'm going to buy a dog. My last two dogs were of the rescue variety and although I loved them both, my regret was that I never knew either of them as puppies. I am also aware that bringing a dog onto a boat has its challenges and it will be a lot easier for both of us if the dog is trained to it from the beginning. I have been researching breeds for a while - although I loved both my Collie and Labrador, I have decided a smaller dog will fit better into my smaller living space. Finally I have narrowed the choice down to a Cairn Terrier. Now I just need to find one. I will use what I get for the car to pay for both the bike and the dog. Here ( I hope) is a picture of a Cairn terrier...

Isn't he gorgeous? Hopefully mine will be too.

jobs or lack thereof

I have never been on the open job market. I have only had two careers in my life and both I just walked into. In my arrogance I assumed that, when I left the Church, as long as I was prepared to do anything and accept minimum wage, I would easily find a job. I hadn't bargained on two things; the recession and my CV.

The recession really started to hit before I left Devon. But by the time I seriously started to look for something, the job situation in the West Midlands had become dire. I only really woke up to this when I applied for a washing up job and got knocked back in favour of someone else and then heard about a cleaning job being advertised and 200 people applying for it!

I thought my CV would help as I have worked with the public all my life and have been in responsible, leadership roles where I have had to use my own initiative. But no! Apparantly my cv scared employers off. The idea of employing an ex detective sergeant and an ex evangelist was just too much for them!

But, just as I was starting to really worry, I was offered a 'part time casual' job in the marina. It sounded great. I was to 'show out' hire boats to clients - in other words, explain how everything worked and then take them through a lock and give them basic instruction. Then when the boats returned, I was to clean them and ready them for the next guests. I was told the job wouldn't start until the season did, which would be just before Easter, but I didn't mind. I had savings still and as long as I worked 4 days a week - as promised, everything would be fine. So I didn't look for anything else, but just enjoyed the leisure time up till Easter.

To begin with it all went swimmingly. I loved working on the boats and the two men I worked with were lovely. However, within a month it became clear that the boss had over estimated the amount of work available. He gave me less and less hours, but didn't explain why. Finally, he started giving the hours that there were to someone else without telling me or explaining why. Eventually I took the hint and reluctantly returned to the souless hell that is the job centre.

Again, in my naivity, I thought the job centre was there to help you find work. No, it's there to make sure you tick the right boxes so they can hand over the pitifully small sum you are expected to live on and sneer at you while they do it.

I was running out of savings fast. The upside to that was, for the first time in my life, I really had to count the pennies and choose what to spend them on. Being broke really does sort out your priorities! Then, in June a new garden centre opened up right opposite my boat in an empty unit in the marina. A friend from another boat (fascinating 75 year old who lives on his boat and won a bronze medal in the Olympics for fast walking) went in while they were still putting the shop together, ascertained they needed staff and dragged me over there one evening, without telling me what for! He presented me to them and said "here you are then, you can employ her; she needs a job" It was hard to know who was more taken aback - me or the employer. But a couple of days later he and a couple of others interviewed me on my boat and I got the job. Only 3 days a week unfortunately, but at least it is regular money coming in.

So, I have been working there for 6 weeks and have been learning what it is like to run a shop. For 2 of my 3 days a week I'm on my own and I haven't really been taught anything - I just pick things up as I go along. I am surprised how much I enjoy it - particularly the plants. I also love the fact that, when I lock up and go home, that's it. I don't have to think about it again until my next days work. I have never had a job like that before. I also love only working three days a week. There is something very satisfying about having more days to yourself than as a wage slave! However, I'm still spending more than I'm earning (the boat loan taking a huge chunk). So that's primarily why I set up The Narrow Way. Although the idea of helping people slow down and connect with their God and themselves on a boat has been a dream for a while before I got 'Don't Panic', the need for some income has certainly spurred me on. The bad news is that I have yet to receive my first booking! Ah well, I guess these things take time.

single handed cruising

I had two priorities in these first months -to learn how to handle my boat single handed and to find a job. Economically, these priorities should be reversed, but the boat came first for me. My first tentative trips out were pretty scary! I knew how to operate locks (grew up on boats and have also done a narrowboat helmsman course), but I was always with others and so the jobs got shared out. Now I had to moor the boat, prepare the lock, bring her in, operate the lock, take her out and then go back and close the gates. To begin with, the complication of it all nearly defeated me. For instance, how do you get the boat to stay in one place once you are in the lock? With two people, one stays at the tiller and uses the engine to keep her still while the other operates the paddles of the lock. I had to do both. Initially I tried to hold her with a rope whilst winding, but all that happened was that I was constantly tripping over the rope, or, because it was a centre rope, catching it up in my boat hook or pole, depositing both in the water more than once!

Then I learnt not to use any ropes in the lock. Instead I bring her in, leave the engine on tickover, with my tiller held in a central position with tiller strings. That holds her up against the front gate, and as long as I'm careful how quickly the water comes in, she will pretty much stay there. Going downhill, I leave her in neutral, because the water flowing out keeps her at the front gate. When the water levels equalise, she magically backs off the gate all on her own! Of course this works in narrow locks, I haven't braved wide locks as yet.

Learning to moor, particularly in windy conditions, was another challenge. But gradually, as I kept going out for a day or two at a time, my confidence increased. each journey brought new challenges and new skills learnt. By June, I was confident enough to take her out for a whole week and explore places that were new to me. I loved it! Somehow the boat only really makes sense when she's out of the marina, on the canal. I still find it amazing that, in order to move my home, I just disconnect the line to the electricity, undo 2 ropes and I'm free!

I also find myself in a new spiritual place when I'm cruising. It's hard to explain but I feel connected to my boat, to the water, to the wildlife - in fact connected to everything. I feel God is in all and is all - a Spirit which flows through and energises everything. I also find it possible to truly live in the present moment. I still need to concentrate when I'm steering and so my mind focuses on that and on the experience of the moment, rather than dwelling constantly on either the past or the future. And once I truly exist in the present moment, then all the worries, all the needs, all the should's and ought's disappear and I am content.

This experience has also released a creative spirit in me. I experiment with crafts, with writing and with photography. But again, it only flows when I am out with the boat. Somehow, when I connect back into the marina, I feel disconnected from the flow. If I could do anything, it would be to go on a long voyage - perhaps a forever voyage and not call anywhere other than my boat home. However, everyday life intrudes and the need to reverse the flow of money out of my account was becoming really pressing - the subject of my next blog!

Starting life at Barton

Barton Marina

At last the boat was my own. I was hugely grateful to those who had helped me, housed me and allowed me to use their washing machines and baths, but it was only now that I felt I was actually starting this new life. What I hadn't bargained for was how much mental and emotional energy it takes to redesign a life!

lack of should's and ought's: I spent the first 16 years of my working life as a police officer, I then lived on community in a Christian holiday centre (Lee Abbey) and then I went into the Church as a minister. Everyone of these jobs / ways of life carries with it a huge amount of, what I call, should's and ought's. 'You should work very hard all the time.' 'You should have a very clear idea of what is right and what is wrong.' You should have a quiet time every day.' You ought to exercise every day, eat less, drink less, earn money immediately, stay safe, go to church etc etc etc.

Here I was, for the first time in my life, in a position where there was absolutely nobody telling me what to do or not to do. There was no 'usual routine' and more worryingly, there was no job. Having worked all my adult life, I found it actually quite hard to have days and days where I didn't have to do anything. I also found myself battling guilt , particularly on Sundays. I had experienced a bit of a savaging in my last post, and as a result I really needed a break from Church, for the sake of my soul! I knew this, and yet when the church bells rang on a Sunday, I felt like a naughty schoolgirl skipping class!

I did cautiously check out one church but the result of that visit was enough to convince me that God was fine with the idea of my taking a holiday from corporate worship!

Worry, worry, worry: I found within only a few weeks, that I was failing to appreciate the beauty around me and the freedom given to me, because I was filling my head with worries; how was I going to find a job? Did people like me here? How am I going to learn everything I need to know about my boat? How am I going to manage single handed? I believe now that had I had absolutely nothing to worry about, I would have worried about not having anything to worry about! Fortunately I had a good friend and counsellor who reassured me that whatever I was feeling was normal. Making massive life changes will stir up all sorts of feelings and reactions and I needed to be gentle with myself.

So I walked a lot; there is a beautiful lake here with lots of wildlife around. I took up cross stitch and eventually stopped feeling like I was 'wasting time'. Then I started looking for a job.