mindfulness

Next month I shall join some Church Army colleagues for a 3 day get together. It will be the first contact I have had with the Church since I left at the end of last year. We are a small group of like minded individuals who are travelling a similar spiritual path. We meet twice a year and spend time in silence together, share insights from our journeys and down the odd bottle of wine together. For the last few meetings, we have gathered in a field near Worcester and slept in wigwams!

We will have an extra member this time in the form of Bonny. I'm not sure she will cope with the times of silence, but then again, I don't know how well I shall cope either! It's not so much the silence, but the liturgy we use to lead into the silence. Although I am feeling more positive now about matters of faith, I still have big issues with the Church and react strongly against any sense of it telling me how to connect with God, or what is an acceptable belief and what is not. For me, the Church has lost so much credibility and integrity in recent years that I'm no longer sure it has the moral / spiritual authority to speak at all.
However I respect my colleagues and the way they choose to express their faith and so I shall enter into it as much as I am able. I am really looking forward to being with them and hearing how each person is travelling, especially as I missed our last gathering. There is also something about being silent in company that touches me at a deep level. We are not merely silent, the aim is to be mindful - mindful of our deepest selves, mindful of each breath we take, and as we stop and just 'be', I find my soul and deeper emotions opening up and invariably I come away with some new insight. I generally spend a fair proportion of the time giggling helplessly as well!

I didn't think I was missing anything about being in ministry, but last night I watched the BBC2 programme about a choir master who helped draw a whole community together through music and in doing so, significantly changed some of the people's lives. I found myself crying by the end of the programme and as I reflected on why, I realised I was seeing how my ministry could have been if I had not been so confused by 'right beliefs' v helping people live full lives and connect with the Spirit of God in whichever way is right for them. I guess I miss having a significant effect on other people's lives, or maybe I just miss being significant! I hope to explore this area further at the wigwams.