a little enlightenment

I took Bonny and the boat to Branston Water Park last week for an overnight escape from the marina. We had two beautiful autumn days - sunny and warm during the day and cooler at night. The water park itself is a large lake with walks around it and many different water birds to watch.

We had spent a peaceful night on board (you can hardly hear the A38 from there!) and after breakfast we went for a walk around the lake. Bonny was being perfectly behaved, the sun was shining and all was well with the world. Then I caught myself thinking 'it will be good to get back to the boat and have a sit down in the sun.' A perfectly innocent little thought, you might say, but a little light flashed on from wherever wisdom originates and I had a small epiphany.

I realised that I am always looking for something better. The present is never good enough, I'm always looking to improve on it. Instead of entering fully into that present moment of the walk, I was thinking about what comes next. I realised that I am always saying to myself 'once I have this or once I become that, then I'll be content'. Then when I get this or become that, I think 'well, that's good...but it's not perfect...but once I get this or become that, then I'll be content - then I'll really be able to live.' It occured to me on that walk that I will still be thinking this on my death bed. In the meantime, I will have missed out on so many small pleasures at my feet because my gaze is fixed further down the road. So I have resolved to practice short sightedness!

When I returned I went to the talk by Tom Hodgkinson that I mentioned a blog or two ago. He was excellent and what he said helped me fix my resolve both to practice contentment and to take time to stand and stare. I had a chat with him afterwards and the upshot of that is that he has asked me to write a piece (3000 words!) about my life change from land to boat and from career girl to practising idler! If it's good enough he will publish it in The Idler Magazine. If not then hopefully I will get some feedback about my writing style.

The most recent blessing I am counting is a phone call from Lloyds. I'm still not sure whether to believe it, but the lady who called was really nice and understanding. At the end of repeating my situation (again!) she said the bank would stop charging interest and charges for a few months - in effect freezing my loan - to see if I can get more work and start paying them again. In the meantime I can give them whatever I can manage, whenever I can manage it, but they won't hold me to a regular payment at this time. It will ruin my credit rating for 6 years, but since I have no intention of ever getting into debt again, I'm not worried. I will wait with interest to see if she was telling the truth... No I won't, I'll enjoy the present moment of reprieve!!