simple life and smiling

I watched the second episode of the programme I was talking about in my last post. Two things from it: The vicar took to the road with no money and begged outside shops for food and knocked on people's door for a bed for the night. I felt hugely uncomfortable watching this and realised that I have too much pride to beg and that my ego is still in control of most of my responses.
The second gem was that he had noticed that most people seemed to be afraid of being approached by a stranger; in fact fear and suspicion seems to be society's default position. Peter said "In a world of frightened people, always be the first to smile". I am aware that I generally wait for people to smile at me first before I make contact with them. If I do smile first and they don't respond, then I feel really irritated. On reflection I realise that a fear of rejection is at the base of this, driven by my ego. So, for the last few days I have been grinning like a maniac at everyone I pass. Most people have responded, if a little nervously. I have also noticed that, when they blank me, I am no longer irritated. I think it is because I have decided to do this and having done what I set out to do, I am satisfied and so their response is less important. I wonder if more people smiled or greeted each other, would we become less afraid of strangers?

On another subject entirely, I took Bonny to be spayed on Monday morning. I had spent a sleepless night worrying about it, had starved her for the operation and had got up very early on my day off to get to the vet on time. I bade her a fond goodbye and left her there, only to have the vet phone within 10 minutes telling me to return. It transpired that Bonny was in the midst of a phantom pregnancy and so couldn't be spayed! She is producing milk and everything. I knew my dog was clever, but I didn't realise that she would find a way to wriggle out of her operation! So, anybody want to buy a phantom Cairn pup? They don't take up any room and eat very little!
I have to take Bonny back on Friday for a check up and then, if she is over it, she will be spayed next week. If not, then I will have to wait till after our cruise and possibly until after her next season. Oh the joys of dog owning!

The simple life

Thank you to all of you who have been getting in touch. I didn't realise how many invisible 'followers' of this blog existed and I feel very affirmed!

I watched the first episode of a new series on BBC2 last week called 'How to live a simple life', presented by a lovely, though barking mad vicar called Peter Owen Jones. If you didn't see it, I would recommend a look. The first episode explored our dependence on 'things' and money to give us status, self esteem etc. He had a go at living with no money at all. Next week he's taking to the road a la St Francis of Assisi and I assume will be begging.

The reason I mention it is that it rang bells for me as it touches on this new life I am creating. I too was fairly dependant on 'things' and money. My things mostly had to go when I downsized from a 3 bed house to a 50 foot narrowboat and sorting out what had to go was a painful but cathartic experience. In fact, I described it to people as similar to the feeling you get, having been constipated for a while, having your first really good dump!!

However my ego only really got involved when I started running out of money. Friends and relatives generously gave me gifts of money and I felt, although very grateful, also like a charity case or beggar. I hated receiving - I much prefer to be the one giving. That sounds very virtuous (better to give than to receive) but virtue had little to do with it. It was more about pride and control. If I am the giver then I have the control - I choose what to give and who to and I can feel superior over the poor person / cause I am giving to. That makes me then feel proud of myself. But here I was, feeling like the underdog and I really struggled. It made me recognise that having money meant much more to me than merely keeping the wolf from the door. It meant I was in control of my life. It meant I was worth something and it meant I was secure.

Coming out of the other end of that experience, I realise that I had swallowed the lies peddled to us by the 'consumer society' ('because you are worth it!') I am not what I buy. Security is a myth - money won't stop me getting sick, dying of a stress related illness or getting run over by a bus. It won't buy me status or self esteem because the genius of this retail world is that it keeps us dissatisfied - as soon as we buy what we really thought we needed, something else is then held up as the goal. The real goal, I believe, is to keep us working longer and harder than ever (good for the economy - as if the economy is more importan than the quality of people's lives), then they encourage us to spend all our hard earned money on stuff we don't need and that won't bring lasting happiness and if we can't afford the latest thing, then we are encouraged to go into debt, which will then drive us to work even harder and longer in order to keep ahead in the financial race. The mythical reward held out for all this effort is a prosperous retirement - a sort of secular Heaven. But this is also a perversion of the truth - more and more people aren't reaching retirement in any sort of health to enjoy it because of the stress filled, work obsessed lives they live. If we do manage to reaching the finish line in one piece we find a) they have moved the line (I now won't get my state pension until I am 67 - 7 years later than I was originally promised) or b) our pension fund has shrunk through no fault of our own and an old age of poverty beckons.

So I am trying to reject all those glittering promises and not so subtle threats and instead to live a life free of slavery. Yes, I am working, but I am only working enough in order to live simply. Of course, if you love your work; if your heart leaps with excitement at the prospect of Monday morning; if work fulfils you, then there is no need to slow down - but most of us are not in that happy place. When working I try to consciously look for what is good and joyful in it - sometimes just a smile from a customer or seeing the sun shine through the willow tree will do it. Then, when I receive my pay, I live to a budget. It sounds boring, but I find it helps me resist the blandishments of the advertising industry - if it's not budgeted for, then I can't buy it. Of course my budget includes the important things like having a drink with mates or having enough diesal to go for a cruise etc. I don't listen to or watch adverts and I only go to the shops if I have a list - it stops impulse buying. It all sounds a bit dull, but it's not. Instead of relying on shopping / money to make me happy, I have freed up lots of time by only working 4 days a week for things that really bring me joy - walking with Bonny, meeting strangers and having time for a chat, sitting and watching the birds and the bees.

I could go on, but I've already gone on so much that those who encouraged me to continue with this blog might now be regretting it! I guess what I am saying is that I have discovered rather late in life that it doesn't cost much to live a content, peaceful and joyful life - but it takes a lot of self discipline, ego killing and truth seeking to find that life!

OK

Thanks to some lovely feedback both on this comments page and via email, I have decided to continue to write this blog. I do enjoy posting photos and perhaps if I widen my writing subjects a bit, I will recapture the buzz of writing it! Also I look forward to writing about my cruise in June when I will be exploring the Shropshire Union Canal by way of the Trent and Mersey and the Staffordshire and Worcester canals.

Meanwhile I saw my first ducklings and first bluebells of the season today - late due to the dreadful winter. here they are:

I am looking forward to May 6th - no, not because of the election - liars all - but because it is Bonny's first birthday. I can't believe she has grown up - it seems only weeks ago that I was posting my first photos of this little scrap of a pup! I am not looking forward to 17th May as, reluctantly, I will be taking her to the vet to be spayed. I agonised over the decision, but it is the only sensible course of action. I shall worry until I have her home safely again!

to continue or not?

Bonny and I went out for a 4 day cruise last week and tied up on the first day between Fradley and Kings Bromley. This is the mooring and as you can see, spring has finally sprung! When we returned the field to the right of our mooring had changed colours from a rather dull brown to this rape seed glory!The title of this entry relates to whether I should continue to write this blog. I haven't written for a while because I have been too busy living to remember it! I also find I bore myself a little bit with it sometimes. I also don't know whether it is worth it to anybody else as I receive very little feedback (except from Lynda and my unknown Chinese friend!) I suppose I have lost sight of the reason for doing it. To begin with I started writing a blog to advertise my new 'Narrow Way' venture, but that went the way of all flesh. Then I was writing it as a sort of diary as I struggled through the mooring saga. It also helped me feel less alone whilst I was homeless! Additionally I found it an easier way of updating people who were interested, rather than writing to all individually (the lazy way of keeping in touch!).
But now I am settled at my lovely mooring. I am working for 4 days a week which means I am finally solvent financially and I suspect life is going to be quite calm for a while. (I know - how's that for tempting fate!?) I'm not sure I'll have much to write about. Although in June Bonny and I are going on our first proper cruise up the Shropshire Union canal and possibly completing the 'Four Counties Ring', so it would be good to write about our experiences - possibly.
Anyway, if anyone has any thoughts about whether I should continue to write or not, please let me know!

settling in to our new mooring

I haven't written recently as I have been busy settling into the new mooring and generally enjoying myself! However, my conscience got the better of me so I thought I'd share a few pics of the mooring...
This one is looking towards Hunts Lock, the bottom lock of the Fradley Flight.

The next is the view across the canal - there are fields both sides of my boat.

This is the only access to the mooring. As you can see it's a pretty narrow path which leads to the lock which I then need to cross before reaching the towpath. Therefore the most important piece of equipment here is a wheelbarrow!

The last picture shows how well Bonny is settling in here. She loves being able to mooch about on the grass and now knows where she is allowed to go, so a lot of the time she is off the lead which is lovely for her.

There is a risk of me becoming just a little suburban as so far I have bought a container that doubles as a bench, a fat ball holder for the many birds here and a couple of pots to grow veggies! However, I still love going out on the boat so I think I will retain the gypsy spirit - at least I hope I do! But it makes such a huge difference to know I am returning to a space that is 'mine'.


My challenge now is to learn to live with contentment. All my life it seems I have always been striving for something - looking for that which would make me happy and then, having found it, becoming discontented and looking for something else. In some ways I have thrived on overcoming difficulties and battling to make my own way in the world, but now, it seems to me, it is time to practice being content with the life I have chosen. And this new phase in my life really was chosen by me without outside influence. Every other major decision I have made about the direction of my life were influenced by my need to please others or my need to escape an intolerable situation. My decisions, it seems to me, were driven by the unhealthy part of myself whereas this one seems to come from a good and whole place. Still, I have been so used to looking to the next problem or next opportunity, that it will take some practice to relax and fully be here.
But it's a lovely challenge to have in a place that feels pretty much like paradise!

mooring - a post script

Sandie the mooring officer came to see me today. The very good news is that BW is refunding my mooring fees between 8th December and 1st March. Not only that but they have reduced my mooring fees for the next three years as they judge this mooring to be worth less than than the amount I was paying for the auctioned mooring. The difference is just over £300 a year!!!

The not such good news is that the owner of one of the boats I moved has made a complaint. Apparantly he is complaining about having to move at all, rather than the fact that I moved his boat rather than BW. He apparantly has visited his boat and hasn't touched the way I tied it up, so he obviously hasn't got a problem with that. He just thinks that someone else should have moved rather than him! Sandie said I shouldn't worry about it. It is clear in the mooring agreement that BW can request boats be moved at any time. She also said she would back my actions as I had waited a reasonable amount of time before taking action.

I'm really glad I did take action as it seems that neither of the boat owners were planning to move their boats any time soon and I could have been sitting on visitors moorings for months more!! It's just a shame that I seem to have a stroppy neighbour - I hope when I meet him, I can build bridges, so that we can get on.

But the best thing is that both Bonny and I absolutely love our new mooring!
Lastly a message to the nice person leaving comments about my blog. I love to hear from you, but unfortunately I can't read Chinese - if that indeed is the language you are writing in!

The First Day of Spring

It is the first day of spring, the sun is shining and I am finally on my new mooring!!! See picture...
I had left Fradley with BW promising that when I returned the mooring would be available. So I went off to Burton to get my boat's bottom blacked and engine serviced. While she was in dry dock, Bonny and I spoiled ourselves by going to a dog friendly guest house in the Dales (Bentley Brook Guest House - I highly recommend it!) I had my first bath in over a year - bliss! Bonny and I walked until we were on our knees and loved it! It was still snowy, but that didn't stop us. Here are some snaps...

One is Carsington water - looking like a scene from the arctic! Then there is Thorpe Cloud and the third is Bonny in her element!

We returned to Burton last Thursday to find the boat all done, so we moved her back to Fradley on Friday. It was a wet and windy day which made for some pretty hard cruising. I had a friend who helped but it was still really tiring and stressful - especially since I didn't want to bash my new blacking. By the time I arrived in Fradley I couldn't wait to tie up at our new mooring, but when I got there, the two boats still hadn't been moved along to make space for me. I was absolutely gutted. I felt what little patience I had left suddenly snap and so I left 'Don't Panic' on the lock bollards and dragged Charlie (my helpful friend) over to the mooring. We then moved both boats ourselves. They only needed to shift backwards about 10 feet and I made sure I tied them up securely - even using one of my own mooring chains on one of the boats as it had to move away from a mooring ring. I then emailed BW to tell them what I had done and asking them to contact the owners and tell them. I really hope I don't get any grief from them, but I just couldn't face waiting any longer.

So here I am on my new mooring. It is lovely - looking over fields in both directions. There are some lovely people here and I even have excellent reception for my phone and dongle. Bonny is fairly exhausted after such an exciting week but I know she is going to love her new home.

So this lengthy saga appears finally to have come to an end. It's been an enlightening time and I feel I have learned a lot through the experience, but I'm very glad it's over!

And now Spring is coming...