mindfulness

Next month I shall join some Church Army colleagues for a 3 day get together. It will be the first contact I have had with the Church since I left at the end of last year. We are a small group of like minded individuals who are travelling a similar spiritual path. We meet twice a year and spend time in silence together, share insights from our journeys and down the odd bottle of wine together. For the last few meetings, we have gathered in a field near Worcester and slept in wigwams!

We will have an extra member this time in the form of Bonny. I'm not sure she will cope with the times of silence, but then again, I don't know how well I shall cope either! It's not so much the silence, but the liturgy we use to lead into the silence. Although I am feeling more positive now about matters of faith, I still have big issues with the Church and react strongly against any sense of it telling me how to connect with God, or what is an acceptable belief and what is not. For me, the Church has lost so much credibility and integrity in recent years that I'm no longer sure it has the moral / spiritual authority to speak at all.
However I respect my colleagues and the way they choose to express their faith and so I shall enter into it as much as I am able. I am really looking forward to being with them and hearing how each person is travelling, especially as I missed our last gathering. There is also something about being silent in company that touches me at a deep level. We are not merely silent, the aim is to be mindful - mindful of our deepest selves, mindful of each breath we take, and as we stop and just 'be', I find my soul and deeper emotions opening up and invariably I come away with some new insight. I generally spend a fair proportion of the time giggling helplessly as well!

I didn't think I was missing anything about being in ministry, but last night I watched the BBC2 programme about a choir master who helped draw a whole community together through music and in doing so, significantly changed some of the people's lives. I found myself crying by the end of the programme and as I reflected on why, I realised I was seeing how my ministry could have been if I had not been so confused by 'right beliefs' v helping people live full lives and connect with the Spirit of God in whichever way is right for them. I guess I miss having a significant effect on other people's lives, or maybe I just miss being significant! I hope to explore this area further at the wigwams.

Bonny the Boat Dog!

Sorry about the longish silence; I've had a bit of a virus problem with my computer, but I'm well on the way to sorting it out.

Last week Bonny and I went out for a whole 4 days on the boat (thanks to my kind work mate swapping days off). Bonny wore her new life jacket, much to the amusement of passing boaters and their pets, but it made me less anxious and having the handle on top meant I could easily lift her on and off the boat and also carry her, rather like a briefcase, across the locks!

She took to the whole experience like a duck to water, if you know what I mean! She rode on the roof and patrolled up and down it's length, only coming back to me if startled. I had been told that some dogs get frightened if left on the boat in locks, but not Bonny. She was fantastic! We did the Fradley flight on the first day and moored for the night in Fradley Woods. Bonny loved having the freedom of the tow path after having to be constantly on a lead in the marina.

I was worried that if I let her get off and on the boat at will, she will do the same in the marina when we returned, which would be a no no. I got over the problem by using the gang plank. She quickly learnt that if the gang plank was there, she could get off and on. If it wasn't, she had to wait for me to lift her off - Perfect!

We went on to Handsacre the second night and tied up by Bridge 56 which is a lovely secluded mooring, with room for only one boat. The only downside was there was a little road nearby and quite a few walkers and their dogs - great for my friendly pup, but it meant Ihad to keep a close eye all the time. So we returned to Fradley Woods for our last night. I have found a great little mooring in the woods which isn't near anybody else so Bonny can run free. While she explored, I did some polishing and now 'Don't Panic' gleams!

As I've said before, I love being out on the canal and my heart sinks when I return to the Marina. However, I am very fortunate to be able to do this at all, pre-retirement, and have decided to make the most of it by not resenting the time in the marina, but rather appreciating the electricity on tap and the facilities on my doorstep. But to prevent Marina fever setting in, I shall take the boat out and moor overnight on the cut all lot more often. In fact, once Bonny is introduced to my cycle, there is nothing to stop us mooring for a week on the cut and cycling in to work. Branston Water Park is just up the canal and would be a lovely place to walk Bonny.

On the downside of life, Lloyds are getting nasty over my loan and are sending threatening letters and making odd phone calls, using people whose accents are so extreme that I struggle to understand them - not being from India myself. This is despite the fact that I have kept them informed every step of the way and have done everything they have told me to do so far! The Debt Counselling Service, that they insisted I spoke to, were brilliant and have helped me sort out a budget and have told me what banks are allowed to do, what they are not allowed to do and what they will try to get away with! Lloyds are following the script of 'what they will try to get away with' almost to the letter. The most important advice I received was 'don't let them bully you into agreeing to pay them more than you can afford'. Lloyds have alreaady tried to do just that and that's only their opening salvo. They are now apparantly passing my case on to their debt recovery unit, but as long as I follow the instructions given by the DCS, I should be OK.

I think I've mentioned Tom Hodgkinson before - a brilliant author who wrote 'How to be Free', my current manual for life! Well, he is coming to the Marina at the end of the month to do a talk on how Dr Johnson influenced his life and I will be able to listen to him live! What are the chances of that - a fairly obscure author, living in Devon, who has helped me significantly, coming to the very marina I am living at in the West Midlands! I take it as a sign that I am still on the right track. I highly recommend this book and indeed 'How to be Idle' and for parents 'Idle Parenting' if you want to release some pressures from your life.

response to fear

I love writing my blog but sometimes I wonder if I'm just talking to myself, so it was lovely to receive an email from my friend Kristina Petersen, commenting on my blog about fear. I so appreciated what she said that I got her permission to repeat some of her email here:

I think you are so right with what you're saying about life slowing down for you and about freedom from various things (including savings but also the need to consume). I think a lot of people would nod their head in agreement but carry on with their busy life, while you have actually had the courage to do something about it and lead a different sort of life. I also agree that a life without fear seems attractive but I wonder whether it’s not actually a life without worry that we could be aiming for. When you stand on a rail track and a train is approaching fast and you don’t have time to think about it, it’s fear that gives you the adrenaline to jump to the side. Worry is useful only if it propels us into action – if it doesn’t, maybe because we can’t do anything or we worry about something that isn’t actually a problem, it just makes us miserable. By the way, my cat, which has a happy life, still feels fear, so I wonder whether it’s innate. The cat is afraid of moving wheels (a good things, gets him to avoid moving cars) and loud noises, like the Hoover (not so useful). He doesn’t worry, though – animals don’t because they live in the present. Which ties in nicely with your point about slowing down as that helps you to live in the present and enjoy each moment. You’re definitely on the right track.

I agree with Kristina that perhaps I should have been talking about worry rather than fear. Thanks Kristina!
Oh, and thanks to you too Lynda, it's good of you to leave encouraging comments!
My next blog will be about the welcome visit of my family to the boat, but I have a virus problem on my computer at present which means I can't post the photos!

Visit from my brother

My brother Peter came all the way from Australia to see my boat! Well alright, he had other things to do as well, but we went out on the boat together yesterday and he loved it! He also kept an eye on Bonny as she had her first experience of riding on the roof without her crate! You will have to wait for photos of that, as my brother took some great ones and will hopefully pass some on to me.

He was so enthusiastic about the boat and Bonny and it made me feel really good. I have made all my recent decisions without many expressions of approval from others and mostly I can cope OK with that, but to have my big brother say that my decisions make sense and are right means a lot. Here is a picture of us together...

Bonny coped brilliantly as a boat dog. She would occasionally peer over the side of the boat which stopped my heart on a couple of occasions. She also got a fright when we passed a herd of cows, but when she felt insecure she just ran either to Pete at one end of the boat or me at the other. She fell in love with Pete at first sight and as long as she was sitting near him, she coped with all the new sights, sounds and smells just fine. I was so proud of her!

Pictures of life on 'The Cut'

Since there were no pictures in my last entry, I thought I'd make up for it in this one. The first is me with the boat at Alrewas - a lovely little village near here. The second is a picture of Don't Panic moored at Great Hayward -a lovely peaceful place on the edge of Cannock Chase.

The third is a picture of the bridge at Great Hayward - a much photographed scene!

The last is of some visitors I had earlier this year.

If anyone wants a set of cards made with photos I have taken over the last 8 months do let me know. They are blank inside and I can do sets of 5 or 10 for a very reasonable price!

narrowboating as a lifestyle

I first considered living on a boat for purely practical purposes. I couldn't afford even a deposit on a home of my own and I really didn't fancy renting a flat somewhere, finding a job and then giving my landlord most of my wages. Getting a loan for the boat was so much easier than trying to get a mortgage (and a lot less money involved) and so it seemed a good way to put a roof over my head. Had I not been a sailor in my youth, I doubt I would have thought of this possibility, but almost all my holidays growing up were on boats of various shapes and I loved life on the water. Well, I loved most of it; having up to 6 brothers and sisters, all crammed together for a couple of weeks with no escape does hold its challenges! I remember when one of us misbehaved, Dad used to put us in the dinghy and tow us behind the boat on our own!

So the seeds were there, but I didn't realise when I set out on this adventure that living on a narrowboat is so much more than a shelter from the storm. It is like stepping into a whole different universe; one that reminds me what it must have been like in a past, more civilised age.

The pace of life is the first major difference. Somehow, the fact of only travelling at 4mph affects life even when I'm not out on the canal. It's strange, but when I travel at a slower pace, I seem to have more time. On the cut, people are passing slowly and so have time to call out a greeting or pass on some news. If someone gets into a bit of trouble, others seem much happier to stop and lend a hand, or at least they don't seem to get impatient if they have to wait while you sort yourself out. After all, if it takes an hour to travel under 4 miles, how is another few minutes going to matter? I wonder if it was like this before the advent of the metal isolation box or speedy killing machine otherwise known as the car?

Off the canal, I am not trying to fit 25 hours worth of things into 24 hours. This is partly because I am working less hours, but also because I am not buying stuff like I used to, and if I'm not filling time buying and using things, there is time instead to cloud gaze or read or write a blog or learn a new craft. I am finally working out that life is more than work and more than consuming or being consumed by our consumer culture.

The second value I am discovering is that of generosity. I had not realised that I had become quite miserly and a bit of a horder once the money started to run out. But now I am surrounded by people who also don't have very much, but what they do have, they share. A couple of examples: I am struggling with a hot water problem and so far two different boaters have given up significant amounts of time helping me sort the problem out whilst asking for nothing in return. When I got Bonny, I mentioned that I would need anyone's spare newspaper - for obvious toilet reasons - and so far I haven't had to get one paper myself as people are visiting my boat on a daily basis to drop off their Mirrors, Mails and Telegraphs. Another couple dropped off a lovely pair of dog bowls - sadly not needed by them any more - because they thought Bonny would like them. In return I gave them a hand painted tea pot I no longer use.
I started making cards with the idea of making some money, but I am finding it much more satisfying to give them away or send them to friends and relatives. The general idea here seems to be that if you've got something you don't need, don't throw it away or sell it, but give it away to your neighbours and they will do the same. If you have a skill to offer, then offer it and others will offer their talents to you. I believe that given enough like minded people, it would be possible to live on a barter system and do away with money almost entirely!

The last value I'll write about today (or this entry will become impossibly long) is what I will call a closer connection with life. By life I mean nature, the weather, the seasons and all that is natural - even my own rhythms of being. When it's windy I feel it through the souls of my feet as the boat rocks gently. I go to sleep when I'm tired and wake when I'm ready to, rather than to the shriek of the alarm clock and find this way that I need less sleep, not more (mind you, these days it's more about Bonny's rhythm than mine!). I have different birds visiting my boat at different but set times of day and recently my boat has served as a launching pad for baby swallows learning to fly. I love this connection and realisation of my dependance on the natural world. I even celebrate rain as the canals wouldn't exist without it; just as well during this summer!

I know all these things are there for people who don't live on boats, but for me, I had to be here, living in this way, to recognise and appreciate it.

Bonny the boat dog!

Bonny had her first trip out on the boat today. It wasn't a long trip - we pumped out at the dock and then went as far as the winding hole at Wychnor. She rode in her crate on the roof. She was very alert and interested in everything around her, but no sign of distress at all. We were out for just over an hour and she only whined a little bit when we re-entered the marina. I am so pleased with her! As soon as I receive her doggy life jacket, we will be out again and I'll see how she copes riding on the roof without her crate! It was so nice to be out - even for a short time. As soon as holidays are over and there is room to breathe on the canal, I will go out for a few days. I've already checked with my very helpful and kind workmate and he is happy to swap the odd day off to allow me 4 days in a row. Of course I wish he wanted two days off together all the time and then I could have my 3 working days together - at present I work each the weekend and on Wednesdays, which means I only have 2 days off in a row. That means I can only really go as far as Fradley or Willington on the boat. But I'm not complaining - I am very well aware how fortunate I am to be able to be on this boat and take her out whenever I feel like it!

I haven't had any bookings for my venture yet, which is a shame, both financially but also because I just love showing people how wonderful it is on the canals! However, it has given me time to familiarise Bonny with the boat (not to mention making great strides in house training - 6 dry nights in a row!) I am also pretty busy sorting out my finances, trying to sell my car and trying to ensure that I don't stuff every day full of things to do. So I'm happy to have bookings and content at present not to have any. Thanks to my very good friends Maggie and David, I have some rather smart brochures which I am circulating around - if anybody reading this wants one, or a lot, let me know. Some people have said it is difficult to leave a message; if clicking on the comment tab after each entry doesn't work, then feel free to email me at dontpanic1@live.co.uk