I watched the second episode of the programme I was talking about in my last post. Two things from it: The vicar took to the road with no money and begged outside shops for food and knocked on people's door for a bed for the night. I felt hugely uncomfortable watching this and realised that I have too much pride to beg and that my ego is still in control of most of my responses.
The second gem was that he had noticed that most people seemed to be afraid of being approached by a stranger; in fact fear and suspicion seems to be society's default position. Peter said "In a world of frightened people, always be the first to smile". I am aware that I generally wait for people to smile at me first before I make contact with them. If I do smile first and they don't respond, then I feel really irritated. On reflection I realise that a fear of rejection is at the base of this, driven by my ego. So, for the last few days I have been grinning like a maniac at everyone I pass. Most people have responded, if a little nervously. I have also noticed that, when they blank me, I am no longer irritated. I think it is because I have decided to do this and having done what I set out to do, I am satisfied and so their response is less important. I wonder if more people smiled or greeted each other, would we become less afraid of strangers?
On another subject entirely, I took Bonny to be spayed on Monday morning. I had spent a sleepless night worrying about it, had starved her for the operation and had got up very early on my day off to get to the vet on time. I bade her a fond goodbye and left her there, only to have the vet phone within 10 minutes telling me to return. It transpired that Bonny was in the midst of a phantom pregnancy and so couldn't be spayed! She is producing milk and everything. I knew my dog was clever, but I didn't realise that she would find a way to wriggle out of her operation! So, anybody want to buy a phantom Cairn pup? They don't take up any room and eat very little!
I have to take Bonny back on Friday for a check up and then, if she is over it, she will be spayed next week. If not, then I will have to wait till after our cruise and possibly until after her next season. Oh the joys of dog owning!
Don't Panic
My home!
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
The simple life
Thank you to all of you who have been getting in touch. I didn't realise how many invisible 'followers' of this blog existed and I feel very affirmed!
I watched the first episode of a new series on BBC2 last week called 'How to live a simple life', presented by a lovely, though barking mad vicar called Peter Owen Jones. If you didn't see it, I would recommend a look. The first episode explored our dependence on 'things' and money to give us status, self esteem etc. He had a go at living with no money at all. Next week he's taking to the road a la St Francis of Assisi and I assume will be begging.
The reason I mention it is that it rang bells for me as it touches on this new life I am creating. I too was fairly dependant on 'things' and money. My things mostly had to go when I downsized from a 3 bed house to a 50 foot narrowboat and sorting out what had to go was a painful but cathartic experience. In fact, I described it to people as similar to the feeling you get, having been constipated for a while, having your first really good dump!!
However my ego only really got involved when I started running out of money. Friends and relatives generously gave me gifts of money and I felt, although very grateful, also like a charity case or beggar. I hated receiving - I much prefer to be the one giving. That sounds very virtuous (better to give than to receive) but virtue had little to do with it. It was more about pride and control. If I am the giver then I have the control - I choose what to give and who to and I can feel superior over the poor person / cause I am giving to. That makes me then feel proud of myself. But here I was, feeling like the underdog and I really struggled. It made me recognise that having money meant much more to me than merely keeping the wolf from the door. It meant I was in control of my life. It meant I was worth something and it meant I was secure.
Coming out of the other end of that experience, I realise that I had swallowed the lies peddled to us by the 'consumer society' ('because you are worth it!') I am not what I buy. Security is a myth - money won't stop me getting sick, dying of a stress related illness or getting run over by a bus. It won't buy me status or self esteem because the genius of this retail world is that it keeps us dissatisfied - as soon as we buy what we really thought we needed, something else is then held up as the goal. The real goal, I believe, is to keep us working longer and harder than ever (good for the economy - as if the economy is more importan than the quality of people's lives), then they encourage us to spend all our hard earned money on stuff we don't need and that won't bring lasting happiness and if we can't afford the latest thing, then we are encouraged to go into debt, which will then drive us to work even harder and longer in order to keep ahead in the financial race. The mythical reward held out for all this effort is a prosperous retirement - a sort of secular Heaven. But this is also a perversion of the truth - more and more people aren't reaching retirement in any sort of health to enjoy it because of the stress filled, work obsessed lives they live. If we do manage to reaching the finish line in one piece we find a) they have moved the line (I now won't get my state pension until I am 67 - 7 years later than I was originally promised) or b) our pension fund has shrunk through no fault of our own and an old age of poverty beckons.
So I am trying to reject all those glittering promises and not so subtle threats and instead to live a life free of slavery. Yes, I am working, but I am only working enough in order to live simply. Of course, if you love your work; if your heart leaps with excitement at the prospect of Monday morning; if work fulfils you, then there is no need to slow down - but most of us are not in that happy place. When working I try to consciously look for what is good and joyful in it - sometimes just a smile from a customer or seeing the sun shine through the willow tree will do it. Then, when I receive my pay, I live to a budget. It sounds boring, but I find it helps me resist the blandishments of the advertising industry - if it's not budgeted for, then I can't buy it. Of course my budget includes the important things like having a drink with mates or having enough diesal to go for a cruise etc. I don't listen to or watch adverts and I only go to the shops if I have a list - it stops impulse buying. It all sounds a bit dull, but it's not. Instead of relying on shopping / money to make me happy, I have freed up lots of time by only working 4 days a week for things that really bring me joy - walking with Bonny, meeting strangers and having time for a chat, sitting and watching the birds and the bees.
I could go on, but I've already gone on so much that those who encouraged me to continue with this blog might now be regretting it! I guess what I am saying is that I have discovered rather late in life that it doesn't cost much to live a content, peaceful and joyful life - but it takes a lot of self discipline, ego killing and truth seeking to find that life!
I watched the first episode of a new series on BBC2 last week called 'How to live a simple life', presented by a lovely, though barking mad vicar called Peter Owen Jones. If you didn't see it, I would recommend a look. The first episode explored our dependence on 'things' and money to give us status, self esteem etc. He had a go at living with no money at all. Next week he's taking to the road a la St Francis of Assisi and I assume will be begging.
The reason I mention it is that it rang bells for me as it touches on this new life I am creating. I too was fairly dependant on 'things' and money. My things mostly had to go when I downsized from a 3 bed house to a 50 foot narrowboat and sorting out what had to go was a painful but cathartic experience. In fact, I described it to people as similar to the feeling you get, having been constipated for a while, having your first really good dump!!
However my ego only really got involved when I started running out of money. Friends and relatives generously gave me gifts of money and I felt, although very grateful, also like a charity case or beggar. I hated receiving - I much prefer to be the one giving. That sounds very virtuous (better to give than to receive) but virtue had little to do with it. It was more about pride and control. If I am the giver then I have the control - I choose what to give and who to and I can feel superior over the poor person / cause I am giving to. That makes me then feel proud of myself. But here I was, feeling like the underdog and I really struggled. It made me recognise that having money meant much more to me than merely keeping the wolf from the door. It meant I was in control of my life. It meant I was worth something and it meant I was secure.
Coming out of the other end of that experience, I realise that I had swallowed the lies peddled to us by the 'consumer society' ('because you are worth it!') I am not what I buy. Security is a myth - money won't stop me getting sick, dying of a stress related illness or getting run over by a bus. It won't buy me status or self esteem because the genius of this retail world is that it keeps us dissatisfied - as soon as we buy what we really thought we needed, something else is then held up as the goal. The real goal, I believe, is to keep us working longer and harder than ever (good for the economy - as if the economy is more importan than the quality of people's lives), then they encourage us to spend all our hard earned money on stuff we don't need and that won't bring lasting happiness and if we can't afford the latest thing, then we are encouraged to go into debt, which will then drive us to work even harder and longer in order to keep ahead in the financial race. The mythical reward held out for all this effort is a prosperous retirement - a sort of secular Heaven. But this is also a perversion of the truth - more and more people aren't reaching retirement in any sort of health to enjoy it because of the stress filled, work obsessed lives they live. If we do manage to reaching the finish line in one piece we find a) they have moved the line (I now won't get my state pension until I am 67 - 7 years later than I was originally promised) or b) our pension fund has shrunk through no fault of our own and an old age of poverty beckons.
So I am trying to reject all those glittering promises and not so subtle threats and instead to live a life free of slavery. Yes, I am working, but I am only working enough in order to live simply. Of course, if you love your work; if your heart leaps with excitement at the prospect of Monday morning; if work fulfils you, then there is no need to slow down - but most of us are not in that happy place. When working I try to consciously look for what is good and joyful in it - sometimes just a smile from a customer or seeing the sun shine through the willow tree will do it. Then, when I receive my pay, I live to a budget. It sounds boring, but I find it helps me resist the blandishments of the advertising industry - if it's not budgeted for, then I can't buy it. Of course my budget includes the important things like having a drink with mates or having enough diesal to go for a cruise etc. I don't listen to or watch adverts and I only go to the shops if I have a list - it stops impulse buying. It all sounds a bit dull, but it's not. Instead of relying on shopping / money to make me happy, I have freed up lots of time by only working 4 days a week for things that really bring me joy - walking with Bonny, meeting strangers and having time for a chat, sitting and watching the birds and the bees.
I could go on, but I've already gone on so much that those who encouraged me to continue with this blog might now be regretting it! I guess what I am saying is that I have discovered rather late in life that it doesn't cost much to live a content, peaceful and joyful life - but it takes a lot of self discipline, ego killing and truth seeking to find that life!
Monday, 3 May 2010
OK
Thanks to some lovely feedback both on this comments page and via email, I have decided to continue to write this blog. I do enjoy posting photos and perhaps if I widen my writing subjects a bit, I will recapture the buzz of writing it! Also I look forward to writing about my cruise in June when I will be exploring the Shropshire Union Canal by way of the Trent and Mersey and the Staffordshire and Worcester canals.
Meanwhile I saw my first ducklings and first bluebells of the season today - late due to the dreadful winter. here they are:
I am looking forward to May 6th - no, not because of the election - liars all - but because it is Bonny's first birthday. I can't believe she has grown up - it seems only weeks ago that I was posting my first photos of this little scrap of a pup! I am not looking forward to 17th May as, reluctantly, I will be taking her to the vet to be spayed. I agonised over the decision, but it is the only sensible course of action. I shall worry until I have her home safely again!
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